


Gordon Hits Benrey with his Car

by disgraceRavenclaw



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self-Aware
Genre: "benrey slowly learns how to be a real person and gordon finds it cute", Autistic Benrey (Half-Life), Drunk Driving, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Joshua is real, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, The inherent coziness of a mid day nap under heavy blankets, This whole thing is gonna be less "follows a strict plot" and more, alcohol mention but like not substance abuse, and they were ROOMMATES, because im autistic and i will NEVER write a neurotypical character. fuck you, gordon forgets how to be a responsible driver, human benrey, romantic tension via cooking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:28:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25351648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disgraceRavenclaw/pseuds/disgraceRavenclaw
Summary: It had been almost two months since the game, and the science team was all finally out. Gordon thought they would be in the program forever, considering they were NPCs, but they apparently began to leak out into the real world.---Gordon leaves the game with minimal (physical) scarring, and to his delight, his friends find a way to follow him out. Much to his disappointment, however, so does Benrey. Their meeting is a bit... violent.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 102
Kudos: 650





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: I am fucking terrified of cars and also of car crashes, and i have an INTIMATE knowledge of what happens to the human body during a crash. Benrey is gonna be ok, Gordon hit him going about 25 MPH so... nothing major.

It had been almost two months since the game, and the science team was all finally out. Gordon thought they would be in the program forever, considering they were NPCs, but they apparently began to leak out into the real world.

Dr. Coomer came first. He showed up a mere week after Gordon was out of the program, and he was a big part of the reason Gordon wasn’t still in shambles. He stayed at Gordon’s until he found a little apartment for himself. Later, as more of the science team leaked out of the game, they would stay in that apartment until they found somewhere to stay.

Not because Gordon didn’t like them. He just liked having his own space.

Next out was Bubby, who came back a day after Coomer left. He cussed Coomer out for leaving him in the program, but begrudgingly forgave him. As far as Gordon knew, Bubby was still staying with Dr. Coomer. 

Actually, if Gordon’s memory served him right, that’s where the tradition of celebrating appearances began. Coomer was so excited to see Bubby, he called everyone together at his apartment and they popped open a bottle of mudslide chocolate vodka and watched a movie together. They did the same for Tommy when he and Sunkist both came out of the game on the same day.

And here they were doing it again for Darnold, which Gordon didn’t expect. He thought Darnold was non confrontational enough to stay in the game, but apparently, he felt lonely there. Lonely enough to leave, that is. Took him long enough.

Gordon stood on Coomer’s balcony and sighed, taking a slow sip of rum. Everyone was inside, talking among themselves, but Gordon was just outside moping by himself like some kind of antisocial dickwad, which was a descriptor he took from Bubby the first time they celebrated a leak.

Every time a member of the team leaked out of the game, Gordon couldn’t help but feel nervous. Of course, the celebration helped ease his nerves, but it could only do so much. He jumped as he heard the balcony door open, and swung his head back to look at his guest.

Dr. Coomer stood with his own glass of rum, smiling at Gordon sadly. “Ah, another break on the porch, eh?”

Gordon relaxed, and looked back out at the quiet city street. It was too late for many cars to be about. “Yeah. Sorry about not being cheerier about these… events.”

“It’s quite alright, Gordon. I know how you become overwhelmed with a lot of people around.” the old mad took a sip of his rum, leaving a thread of silence between them, heavy with the tension with which it was pulled. When he finished, he looked back to the living room. “Oh, dear. Bubby’s set something ablaze once again.” He threw the porch doors open, and left Gordon with a rushed “One moment, Gordon!”

Gordon chuckled as he heard the commotion of Bubby being tackled to the ground by Dr. Coomer. The temporary relief didn’t last long as his raging paranoia set back in. He took another long sip of rum to try and ease it. 

The reason Gordon was so anxious whenever someone left the game was precisely because of who  _ hadn’t _ left yet. Not that he was expecting anyone.

Well, not expecting someone he wanted to see. 

Gordon shook his head to try and clear it of the whispers of doubt that clung to his brain. Benrey was  _ dead. _ He wasn’t coming to the real world. He looked down at his glass of rum, almost empty, and sighed. If he were to continue drinking, he wouldn’t be safe to drive home, and he’d learned not to crash at Coomer and Bubby’s apartment unless it was an emergency. Bubby liked to charge him rent. (He could hear Bubby’s voice now;  _ ‘We aren’t a bed and breakfast, Gordon!’ _ )

With a hesitant sigh, Gordon pushed off of the ledge he was leaning on and turned to go back inside. He entered cautiously, but it seemed the room was free of commotion- bar a patch of carpet that was slightly charred, along with a particularly grumpy Bubby standing in the corner and facing the wall with his arms crossed.

“Gordon!” Gordon turned to see Darnold, who was smiling widely. “It’s- it’s really good to see you back inside. Tommy’s making pina coladas.”

“I didn’t know he knew how to mix drinks,” Gordon said with an awkward laugh.

Darnold grimaced. “He doesn’t.” 

Gordon just nodded, and took another sip of rum. “I, uh, I hate to be a party pooper, and…” Gordon held a hand up defensively. “I  _ do _ want to celebrate your arrival! It’s just… well, I should get home. If I drink much more, i won’t be able to drive back.”

Darnold frowned, but nodded. “Yeah. Drunk driving is dangerous. Well, so is tipsy driving.” He tilted his head and held his chin with his forefinger and thumb. “Say, maybe you should get a cab and just come back for your car in the morning instead?”

With a wave of his hand, Gordon dismissed Darnold. “Pshh. I’ve driven drunker, and I haven’t gotten into a wreck yet. I’ll be okay.” His expression softened as he set the rum glass down on a table beside them and looked back at Darnold. “It’s, uh… your concern is appreciated, though.”

Darnold nodded, downing the rest of what was in his glass and setting it upside down beside Gordon’s. He looked back up at the man, wincing from the burn of the alcohol. “See you some other time, Mr. Freeman.”

\---

Gordon buckled himself into his car, and before he went off, he tapped his fingers against the steering wheel.  _ Check the gas, readjust the mirror… _ Gordon went down his mental checklist he saved for preparing to drive. He thought of himself as a very responsible driver. Of course, he wasn’t always so cautious, but he’d narrowly avoided enough crashes to know better by now.

As he took off, he kept his speed a few miles below the limit. He was already feeling sort of woozy from all the rum, and he didn’t want to get into an accident. 

The song on the radio caught his attention. It was some shitty country song, but he remembered it from his college days, and the words came back to him like flipping through a picture album.

“Spend my dollar-  _ on beer, _ ” he mumbled to himself, “Parked in a holler ‘neath th mountain moonlight,  _ roll tide. _ ” He smiled as he quietly cheered the additions his roommate taught him. 

Gordon used to have so much fun, shouting the little added lyrics whenever the song came on during a football game along with a stadium full of his peers. “Hold her up tight,  _ against the wall, _ make a lil’ lovin  _ all night…” _

As the chorus progressed, he felt himself falling further into the cheer. “Little turtle dovin’ on a Mason-Dixon night…” He shut his eyes and headbanged as he practically yelled the chant at the top of his lungs. “Fuck Clemson! And FSU! And UNC too!”

He smiled wide and sang as his eyes returned to the road. “My Dixielaaand-”

His heart skipped a beat. 

Some say that, in the event of a traumatic moment, time slows down. Gordon never found that to be the case. Right now, everything was happening way too fast. With a startled shout, he slammed his foot against the brakes and felt himself lurch forward, but it was far too late. The silhouette in the street  _ thump _ ’d against his windshield, and was thrown onto the street. 

As soon as Gordon regained his awareness of the present, he tried to take in what he was perceiving.  _ Dixieland Delight _ still played on the radio. His windshield was cracked, but there wasn’t any blood. 

A figure struggled to lift itself in the street.

Panic seized every muscle in Gordon’s body as he tugged his seat belt off and threw the door open. He swore under his breath as he rushed to the man’s side. He was a bit smaller than Gordon was, and he was crumpled in a heap on the ground. 

Gordon bent down and put a hand on his back. “Holy  _ shit! _ Are you okay?! I’m so sorry, let me take you to the hospital.” He looked around to see if there was anything around. He noticed a helmet in the street, but no bike. 

_ It must be under the car or something, _ Gordon thought to himself as he went to pick up the helmet and bring it back to the man. As he held the helmet in his hands, however, he noticed something oddly familiar about the way it was shaped. It was dented in one side (that was likely Gordon’s doing), but other than that it felt oddly familiar. In Gordon’s buzzed stupor, he couldn’t quite place why that was.

Gordon turned back to the man, who was propping himself up on his arms. His face fell as the streetlight illuminated the man’s face. The helmet was left discarded on the pavement, rolling around after it was dropped in shock. 

Benrey stared up at Gordon, grabbing onto his arm and wincing a little. “Oh fuck. Hey, good to see ya, feetman.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Fun Fact: my sister goes to my state college and she taught me the little thing their marching band sings along with Dixieland Delight before every game, and I think it's literally the coolest thing


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After hitting Benrey with his car, Gordon has to do some first aid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> General warnings for the chapter: in depth description of injury cause im a masterful whump writer and I am _so_ sorry lmao, and a small description of homelessness. Still, the inherent intimacy of patching someone's injury up...

Gordon stared at Benrey, unsure of what to say.

Here he was, finally coming to peace with the idea that Benrey wouldn’t leak out along with his friends. Darnold seemed to be the last one, and after that there was total radio silence. His life was finally starting to regain a little peace.

Of course it would be at this moment that Benrey decided to come back to haunt him. 

Benrey pushed off of the ground to try and stand, but he instead fell back into a sitting position. The guard hissed in pain and looked up at Gordon. “You uh… you think you could help a bro out?”

The pair of men stared at each other, neither of them moving, waiting for a response from the other. Gordon’s mouth was dry as he thought of something to say. The scar around the circumference of his arm burned. 

Finally, Gordon got ahold of his tongue. “You… what the  _ fuck _ are you doing here?” He said in disbelief, more to himself than to Benrey.

With a glance back at Gordon’s car, Benrey hummed. “I think i’m here on the ground cause you hit me with your car, buddy.” He turned back to Gordon and pursed his lips before continuing: “By the way, i’m in a lot of mother fuckin pain right now, so could you like… help me out?”

“Why would I help you out?!” Gordon backed away from the security guard.

“...uh… because you’re the one who hit me with your car?”

Gordon hated to admit it, but Benrey did have a point. He shouldn’t have been driving while tipsy. “Still,” Gordon argued, “you’re in no position to ask me for  _ anything! _ ” He stormed up to the Guard’s side. “Why should I even care? Aren’t you some sort of- some kind of immortal, invincible eldritch alien or something?!”

Benrey frowned. “Bro, this isn’t a game anymore. I can’t go god mode. I’m, like… actually hurting right now, bro.”

_ “Bullshit,” _ Gordon barked. “You’re a liar, you always have been. Why should I believe you?” Gordon stood back up, arms crossed as he loomed over the security guard.

As the taller man waited for an answer, Benrey just looked around awkwardly. Finally, he left go of his arm, and held his hand up to Gordon. His face went slack with shock; there was a bright red film of blood all across Benrey’s hand, and it soaked into his shirt sleeve. “See, bro?” Benrey muttered. “Hurtin.”

Gordon bent down again to look at Benrey’s arm, still keeping his distance from the guard. “Fuck, dude… that’s not good. I might have to take you to the hospital.”

“Yo, uh… actually…” Gordon turned to look at Benrey’s face, which was still twisted in discomfort. “I kind of. Don’t… exist legally. So maybe that’s not a good idea?”

“What do you mean you don’t exist?”

Benrey shrugged, wincing at the pain in his arm. “I don’t got my documents, bro, I’m not like a person. I’m like… not supposed to be here, I don’t-”

Gordon chuckled at the irony, and Benrey frowned. “What? Bro, what’s funny Gordos?”

“Sorry, it’s just…” Gordon grabbed Benrey’s arm carefully. “Now  _ you’re _ the one without a passport.”

“Oh, fuck off assman.”

Gordon twisted Benrey’s arm a little too quickly, and the guard hissed as he tried to rip his arm away from Gordon. “Hey,” Gordon snapped, “hold still. I’m trying to make sure you won’t die or something.” He rolled the sleeve up to get a better look at the injury. 

The skin was busted open, the flesh exposed. Blood welled from the wound and got onto Gordon’s hands. He grimaced at the sight. “Yeah, that’s not pretty. Don’t move.” He got up and walked around to the passenger’s side of the car. 

“You gonna drive off? Leave me here?” Benrey asked, and even though it was obviously a taunt, his voice wavered with unspoken worry. Gordon opened the passenger door and bent down to open the glove box.

“No,” he replied, “chill out.” He grabbed a red box from the back of the glove box and stood back up as he closed the glove box and passenger door. He returned to Benrey’s side with the first aid kit and set it down, opening it and gauging its contents.

Benrey looked at the box and reached inside, grabbing a roll of gauze. “Hey!” Gordon grabbed the gauze back from him. “Don’t touch this stuff, it’s sterile.”

“Oh, okay. You lil’... you, uhh… you medicine nerd, huh? You a doctor, or something?” Benrey grinned, and Gordon noticed his teeth were sharp and flat like a shark’s. “You some kinda doctor, or what? You got a PhD?”

Gordon elected to ignore Benrey’s taunts, instead holding the guard’s injured arm up and commanding him to keep it there. He grabbed a bottle of water from inside and carefully rinsed the wound. After that, he grabbed an alcohol cleaning wipe. “This is going to sting a little.”

Benrey nodded in affirmation. Gordon pressed the wipe to Benrey’s wound, and the guard hissed and drew away. “God fucking  _ damn, _ Gordos! What the hell do you think  _ a lil _ means?”

Gordon grabbed Benrey’s arm and tugged it back. “Shut up, it’s not my fault you’re a baby.” Benrey opened his mouth to argue, but just hissed again as Gordon pressed the wipe back onto the wound, a little slower this time. 

When that was finished, Gordon put a sterile cotton pad on it, as well as a few sticks to splint it. “I don’t  _ think _ it’s broken,” Gordon explained to Benrey, “but we can’t go to the hospital to check, so… better safe than sorry, or whatever.” He wrapped the whole think in gauze and fixed it in place with bandage tape.

When it was finished, Benrey examined Gordon’s handiwork. “Not bad,” he muttered. “For an amateur.”  
Gordon stood up. “Any _other_ pressing injuries I should know about?”

Benrey grinned. “My head kinda hurts.” 

Gordon’s eyes returned to the helmet on the street. It sat miserably with a dent in the side. Benrey must have had a pretty hard hit on the head. He could possibly have a concussion. How was Gordon supposed to deal with that without taking Benrey to the hospital?

Whatever. He just hoped it wasn’t too bad. Gordon walked up to the helmet and picked it up. He tossed it to Benrey, who managed to catch it (with a bit of fumbling). So he could catch, that meant it probably wasn’t too severe. “You got any place to stay?” Gordon asked.

Benrey shook his head. 

Gordon looked puzzled. He stepped forward. “Where  _ have _ you been staying?”

“Oh, yeah.” Benrey pointed off in the distance. “No, I do have a pretty swanky crib, actually. Like a nice little hideout for myself, it’s got like a roof.”

“What’s your roof made of?”

Benrey pursed his lips, staring up at Gordon. He stood up and swiped the dust off his pants. “It’s- It’s, uh… Strong as hell plywood I found. Propped it up on a dumpster and a real tall birdcage in an alley. Cage was only, like… mildly dented, too.”

Gordon’s eyebrows knit together, and he shook his head. “No, Benrey, that isn’t a  _ house. _ That’s hardly shelter. Just-” He looked up at Benrey, and only for the first time that evening was he able to take all of Benrey in visually.

His guard get-up was scratched and dirty, and his posture was poor. His black hair was a mess, curling around every which way and framing a gaunt face with a few scratches on it. His eyes were baggy and dull. He carefully put his helmet back on, minding the way the dent made it slightly lop sided. He looked up at Gordon with wide eyes. Gordon sighed. 

“Alright, get into the car.”

Gordon walked around to the driver’s side of the car, and Benrey followed with his eyes. “Uh. Yeah, you need directions to my place?” Benrey asked as he approached the passenger’s door.

“Nope,” Gordon said. “You’re coming back to my apartment until you get back on your feet.”

“...wha?”

Gordon sat down and buckled himself in. Benrey opened the passenger door and poked his head in. “I got a set up, though.”

“You’ve got a plywood board in an alley. You look… pathetic.” Gordon held his hand up. “And don’t think this means anything, okay? I’m only offering to keep you at my place because I hit you with my car. Unlike you, I actually do things to make it up to people when I severely injure someone.” He rubbed the circle on his arm. 

Benrey blinked, staring straight ahead at Gordon. Then he opened his mouth. “Huh?”

“Get in the car, dumbass.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon takes Benrey back to his apartment. It feels good to get some rest.

“where we goin?”

Gordon groaned. He was already beginning to regret his decision. “I’ve told you three times, we’re going to my apartment.” 

Benrey fell silent. He looked through the windshield and grinned. “bro, are we gonna have a one night stand or sum’n…?”

“Hey, Benrey?” Gordon looked over at the injured security guard, gritting his teeth. “Can you shut up for even a minute?” Benrey stared back at him and looked him up and down. 

“...wha?”

It took every ounce of willpower in Gordon’s soul not to turn the steering wheel and send them both barreling off the road and into a ditch somewhere. “Whatever. Whatever, we’re almost there. Just stop talking until I park the car.” 

Benrey frowned. “no, man, i can’t be doin’ that, i gotta distract myself cause i’m like in pain or whatever.”

“It should be at least a little better by now, though.”

“i’m, like, a program,” Benrey explained. “or i was, i dunno. i never had these kinda ouchies before, bro, i didn’t know what ouchies even were. man, shit just hurts now, and like it never did that before, I dunno.” He sank in his seat and stared out of the passenger’s side window, grasping his arm tightly. “i just dunno.”

Gordon groaned. “I wish I understood half of everything you said.”

Thankfully, Benrey did decide to stop talking. It filled the car with a terrible silence as Gordon took the time to process what exactly was going on.

The characters can leave the program. Gordon could understand that. Benrey left as well. Gordon could understand that. He’d drunkenly hit Benrey with his car. He could understand that.

What Gordon didn’t understand was why. Why now? Why here? Why Gordon? Why  _ Benrey?  _ Why did the universe align in just this way, leaving Gordon stuck (who he considered to be) his worst enemy, and of all the things that kept them together, it was Gordon’s morals.

Gordon fucking hated Benrey, and it was different when it was in the game. In the game, he would have killed Benrey without a moment’s hesitation, but…

This was the real world. Gordon was suddenly responsible for real pain.

They arrived at Gordon’s apartment after 15 minutes of silence (and Benrey hissing every time Gordon took too sharp a turn). Gordon parked his car and took the key out of the ignition, then brought his hands up to his face. He dragged them down and let out a long and tired sigh. “Okay. We’re here.”

Benrey looked over at Gordon, then up at the apartment. “damn. looks a bit shit.”

“Sorry,” Gordon hissed, “would you give me the directions for your dumpster-plyboard-lean-to so you don’t have to stay in this  _ shithole? _ ”

Gordon leaned forward, glaring at Benrey. The security guard shrunk under his gaze. “man, why you so mean? you’re so mean to me all the time. hitting me with your car and now you’re trashing my home?” Benrey leaned against the car door and crossed his arms. “Dick.”

Gordon sighed. He was beginning to realize that sometimes, it was just better to ignore Benrey. With a watchful eye turned to the security guard, he approached the stairwell. “My apartment is on the third floor. We’ll talk about rules when we get up there.”

Benrey pursed his lips and looked at the stairs. “what? noooo. bro i hate walkin up stairs.” The guard pouted at the taller man.

“Well, get used to it.” Gordon didn’t turn back to look at Benrey as he just climbed up the stairs. Benrey groaned in complaint, but Gordon could hear him following behind. When they got to the top of the stairs, Benrey was winded.

“ugh... you hit me with your car and then you make me climb st, stairs?” Benrey huffed. “youre not so nice, broo.” Gordon ignored him. 

The pair of men walked down the hall to a black door with a number beside it, and a mail slot on the base of the door. Gordon took the keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door, then slowly pushed it open. “Welcome to Casa de Gordon.”

Gordon walked inside, turning around and expecting to see Benrey already on his couch, all over his things, ruining the atmosphere. However, he seemed surprisingly wary of the room. He stood in the doorway with his arms tucked in and looked side to side. “Something the matter?” Gordon asked hesitantly.

Benrey snapped his head toward Gordon. The shade usually left by the visor of his helmet was absent, which made him look much less threatening. He seemed somewhat confused. “uh. looking for a live laugh love poster, you idiot boomer.” His tone was full of vitriol, but his voice wavered slightly and made it lose its bite.

Gordon frowned. “I’m right on the cusp of Gen X and millennial, actually-” 

“boooo, boomer.”

Gordon took a deep breath.  _ Just ignore it.  _ He sat on the couch and motioned for Benrey to sit as well. Benrey did not sit. He stood next to Gordon, right in front of the couch. Whatever worked for him, Gordon supposed.

“We need to set some ground rules, got it?” Gordon pointed at the floor. “This is my apartment, and this is a public space. You follow the landlord’s rules, and you follow my rules.”

Benrey just nodded. Gordon felt uneasy about his compliance. “Alright. First off; you don’t get to make an outrageous amount of noise. Second off, don’t kill anyone or anything- No residents, no pets, no  _ birds _ for Christ’s sake. Third, don’t break my shit. Don’t touch my shit. Don’t even  _ think _ about touching my shit. That means my computer, that means my tv, that means anything in my room. Don’t even go  _ near _ my room.”

That comment made Benrey frown. “Well where’s my room?”

“There are only two rooms,” Gordon explained, “you’re not staying in mine, and there’s no way in HELL you’re staying in Joshua’s. Got it?” 

Benrey’s face soured like he tasted something funny. “oh. didnt know your shit baby was… real.”

Gordon glared at him. “Don’t push your luck. I’ll get you some pillows and blankets, and you can sleep on the couch. It’s not the most comfortable thing in the world, but it’s better than nothing.” Gordon thought for a moment.  _ What else could Benrey do that I need to set some kind of precedent for? _ “Don’t steal anything from me, don’t spend my money, don’t-”

“Hey, where is your baby?” Benrey said suddenly. “Is he in his room?”

“He’s with his  _ mother, _ ” Gordon said. Benrey froze. He stared at Gordon and blinked quickly. 

Gordon sighed. “Whatever. Just… get to bed.” Gordon got up and grabbed a fleece throw out of a closet. He shook off the dust and handed it to Benrey. “Throw pillows are on the couch already. We can discuss this more in the morning.”

Benrey looked at the items in his hands. When he looked back up at Gordon, his expression was as blank as ever. A gentle “wha?” escaped his lips, quiet enough to nearly fool Gordon into thinking he hadn’t said anything at all.

Like he’d been doing all night, Gordon ignored him. He turned and started to walk down the hallway. “Alright, i’m going to sleep. You better do that too. Don’t wake me up unless someone is dying, or something.” 

Gordon pushed the door to his bedroom open. He pushed the door closed with his back and took a moment to catch his breath. He was too tired to think with any real clarity. He did know two things.

He may never come to terms with the fact that Benrey was back.

He was getting pretty close to it already, though. As close as he could have hoped to be.

Gordon pushed off of the door with a great deal of effort and made his way to his bed, sluggish and heavy. He let himself fall face first on the soft mattress, and he took in the smell of his recently washed comforter. 

Even if Benrey was going to be here for a time, it was still home. Gordon still had a son, he had his friends, he wasn’t under constant threat of danger like he was in the game. He was safe. He was okay.

Turning around in his bed, Gordon contemplated Benrey’s behavior. At the very least, Benrey seemed weaker. He seemed to actually feel pain, he bled and it was a problem, he seemed… strangely mortal. 

For a moment, Gordon wondered if he could be killed. For a moment after that, he felt bad. He cursed his morals. Benrey didn’t deserve sympathy, in his eyes, but the unfortunate tug of his heart wouldn’t allow him to feel angry without also feeling terrible about himself.

At the very least, it meant Benrey was less dangerous. He would be less of a threat to Gordon’s loved ones. That was a much more comforting thought.

The door burst open loudly. Gordon jumped up in bed, barely holding back an awkward noise of fear. He looked up at Benrey, who stood in the doorway. “theres an emergency,” he stated calmly.

“What’s the emergency?”

Benrey turned his head and looked back into the living room. “i saw a bug on your table. i didnt allow it to be here.”

It was going to be a  _ long _ fucking night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uploads 2 chapters withing 2 consecutive days and then takes weeks to write the next one even though its the exact same length. Anyway I'm taking drivers ed and classes start for school soon so I might bebusy. Actually, considering I'm on my computer more and willing to procrastinate more, I might work more of the story than I HAVE been. 
> 
> also check out my hlvrai ask blog on tumblr p2vrai because I was always a portal bitch instead of a HL one


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon gets a call from his ex-wife and is presented with a new challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of fucking course I'm gonna include this aspect in my story. Why wouldn't I?

When Gordon awoke, there were a few blissful moments where he’d forgotten about the mess from the night before. His head hurt a little, so he’d obviously been drinking. That would explain the wonderful lack of a nightmare. What it did  _ not _ explain was the feeling of pins and needles running up his legs and the heavy weight on his feet.

The explanation for that brought everything crashing back to the front of his mind.

Gordon sat up and gaped at Benrey, who was stretched out on the bed, belly down, right on the foot of Gordon’s bed. Had he slept like that all night?

Shaking his feet out from under Benrey, it was a miracle that Gordon didn’t wake him. He didn’t know if Benrey needed sleep, actually. How or why he was sleeping was a mystery. Fucking  _ everything _ about Benrey was a mystery. 

For example, why was he on Gordon’s bed and not on the couch, which Gordon had  _ explicitly set up for him the night before? _ Brain still addled with sleep and the slightest hint of rum, Gordon decided to save that train of thought for later. Benrey would be here for a while; no reason to let himself get worked up so early on. 

As Benrey continued to snore, Gordon dug through his dresser in search of a clean pair of clothes. He had to take a shower, but he didn’t trust leaving the bathroom to change with Benrey in the house, even if he was asleep.

Gordon picked out a grey t-shirt and a pair of jeans. It was good enough. He wasn’t  _ going _ anywhere today, anyway. He draped his clothing of choice over one arm, and carefully left the bedroom. As he shut the door, he winced at the small creak of its hinges. He  _ really _ didn’t want Benrey to wake up any sooner than was natural. 

The term natural seemed like a stretch in Gordon’s mind. As he hung his clothes on a rack and started the water for his shower, he let his mind wander to Benrey. They say a shower is good for your thoughts, and boy did Gordon have  _ a lot _ of thoughts about the security guard. They were as difficult and foreign to his brain as the guard was to him. 

Gordon stripped his clothes and stepped under the showerhead, letting the hot water wash over him and soothe his muscles, which ached from stress. 

What Gordon knew about Benrey from Black Mesa was… well, the guy was unkillable. He was an absolute powerhouse, withstanding massive falls and several rounds of lead directly to his face without flinching. In Xen, his body morphed and twisted into some kind of abomination. Gordon tried to avoid looking directly at it and tried even harder to suppress the memories.

Everything Gordon knew about Benrey in Black Mesa directly contradicted what he knew about Benrey in the real world, though. Benrey winced in pain. He slept. He bled. Did he need to eat? Drink? Does he die?

And on that note: Is he human? Gordon wondered for a moment how he’d even be able to tell. The red blood said yes, but those sharp teeth… said no. He would just have to find out once-

Gordon was pulled out of his thoughts by a bang on his door, which nearly caused him to slip in the shower. “yoooo, what are you doin in there?” Benrey yelled from outside over the sound of rushing water hitting ceramic.

“ _ TAKING A SHOWER, _ ” Gordon shouted back.

There was a moment of silence, and Gordon almost thought Benrey took the answer at face value.

“nasty,” Benrey replied. “nasty lil… you a wet little moist boy?” He chuckled, and Gordon could practically see him baring his teeth in a shit-eating grin outside of the bathroom. “damp motherfucker.”

“Once I get out of here,” Gordon yelled over the shower, “I’m gonna kick your ass.”

He didn’t ever get a reply.

Gordon sighed and grabbed a shampoo bottle.

-

Benrey sat on the couch, twiddling his thumbs and watching the ceiling fan go around. When Gordon came out of the bathroom with a towel around his head. He tousled his hair with the towel in an attempt to dry it off, but his thick locks refused to comply. They stayed wet.

Gordon let the towel hang over his shoulders as he looked down at Benrey. “Morning.”

“mornin’,” Benrey replied. The two were silent. Something was left unsaid.

A lot of things were. They could wait for later. 

At the tune of a familiar ringtone, Gordon turned his attention to his phone, which was sitting on the coffee table. Benrey reached out for it, but Gordon smacked his hand away. “No, that’s for me,” he said. He picked it up and checked the caller ID. It was from Anne.

“Shit,” Gordon said under his breath. As Benrey tried to lean over his shoulder, Gordon turned away and picked it up. “Hey, Anne,” he greeted. He stood up to get away from Benrey as Anne spoke.

“Gordon,” she said, “I really hate to be this person.” Her voice was slow and apologetic, and it worried Gordon a bit. 

“Uh… yeah, what's up?” He walked to the kitchen, feeling the urge to pace.

Anne sighed on the other end. “I know you just had Josh for a month, but there’s a massive opportunity for my business, and I need to be out of town for a few days.”

Gordon’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, congratulations!”

“Yeah!” Anne cheered. “I wanted to warn you ahead of time. It’s going to be a week and a half before I need to leave, but I’ll be out of town for a few days, so I need someone to take care of Joshua during that time.”

Gordon was silent for a moment. He turned back to look at Benrey, who sat on his couch. The guard picked a wrapper out from between the cushions and ate it. 

“Uh… do you have family you can leave him with…?”

“Gordon…” Anne said slowly, and Gordon knew what was coming. Not a reprimand- but a worried lecture. “Are you sure you’re doing fine?”

Gordon sighed. “Anne, I’m gonna cut you off there. I have a little… dilemma. I’m kind of living with someone right now.”

“Oh.” Anne paused. “Congrats!”

“ _ No, _ ” Gordon groaned. “It’s not like  _ that- _ God, no. He’s… I’m not sure if he and Josh would get along is all.”

Anne huffed. “I understand how you feel Gordon, but this is  _ huge. _ Is there anyone your friend can stay with?”

“First off, not my friend. Hate the guy. Second off, I can… check.”

“Alright, but promise me one thing. Promise even if you can’t get him to stay anywhere else, you’ll still take Josh? This meeting could make or break my career.”

Gordon bit his tongue. He knew there was no way in hell the science team would let Benrey stay with them. He could send Benrey back to the dumpster, but that felt… bad. Could he manage Joshua living in the same space as Benrey?

“... Okay. I promise.”

Gordon felt a sinking feeling in his gut when Anne cheered on the other end. “You’re amazing, Gordon. Thank you  _ so _ much. I’ll see you Wednesday.” There was a beep as Anne hung up the phone. Gordon allowed his hand to linger next to his ear, then brought the phone down to both his hands. 

Taking a deep breath, Gordon turned and walked back into the living room. “Benrey.”

Benrey looked up at Gordon’s call, eyes wide. His pupils were blown out. That was something else Gordon noticed- the size of his pupils changed, like a cat. It was weird. “uh huh?”

“We’ve got a week and a half to teach you how to be a presentable person in time for my son’s visit.” Benrey blinked, then turned his head.

“uh, wait. yo… your lil shit baby?”

Gordon glared. “Yea.  _ the shit baby. _ Don’t call him that.”

Benrey didn’t object, so Gordon continued. “I’m giving you an option here, Benrey. You can do your best to not be inappropriate around my son- that is, no killing things, no swearing, no teaching my son crimes, no giving my son weapons…”

Gordon leaned forward and jutted his finger into Benrey’s chest. “And by  _ God _ , if you hurt Joshie, I’ll run you over again and finish the job this time.” Benrey looked down nonchalantly at the finger pressed into his chest.

Benrey pushed the hand aside. “yeah, I think I can do that.” He flopped down on the couch. “does Jasper like PS3?”

“His name is Joshua”

“yeah, whatever,” Benrey whined, “back to my original question. PS3?”

Gordon frowned. “He’s never played a PS3. Anne lets him play Xbox, though.”

Benrey’s eyes widened, and he gasped. “i can’t believe you let that anne bitch get away with child abuse like that” Gordon’s blood boiled.

“Do  _ not _ call my ex-wife a bitch! She is  _ not _ a bitch, she’s a  _ wonderful _ mother to Joshua, and she would  _ never- _ ”

Benrey blew a raspberry, interrupting Gordon’s rant. Gordon clenched his teeth, and if he accidentally bit his cheek because of it, he didn’t realize. He had a long road ahead of him if he was going to get Benrey in kid-handling shape.

“Whatever,” Gordon snapped through gritted teeth. He grabbed his keys off of the coffee table. “I’m going shopping, and you’re coming with. Let’s see how you behave in public.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon just wants to get some more food, but Benrey's missing something big.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gordon's learning, _Gordon's learning-_
> 
> Haha doesn't update for almost 2 months because I was off my medication and virtual school kicked my ass six ways to Sunday.

Gordon already regretted his decision to bring Benrey along.

Benrey wouldn’t stop fucking around with the radio. He switched from station to station, and he turned the volume up way too loud. He eventually stopped when reaching some old rock channel, and groaned. “yo, you got an aux cord or somethin? radio sucks.”

“If you don’t like the music, ride in silence,” Gordon hissed under his breath. It was nice that music kept Benrey from talking about the PS3 endlessly, but he refused to listen to anything on public radio. 

“oh shit wait, you got bluetooth. gimme your phone.”

Gordon gripped the steering wheel. _Relax, Gordon. Don’t explode so early in the morning._ “I’m too busy driving right now, Benrey. We can listen to music on my phone when we’re driving back.”

Benrey huffed and slumped in his chair, but he didn’t complain. “where we goin?”

“We’re going to Target to buy groceries. I need more food.” He looked over at Benrey. “And if you’re staying with me indefinitely, it’d be cool to know what exactly you want to eat. That is, if you eat.”

Benrey shrugged, picking at his seatbelt (which pressed against his cheek because of how low he was slumped). “i dunno. i like garlic bread.”

Gordon furrowed his eyebrows and tried to hold in a chuckle. “Garlic bread?”

“yeah. my dumpster hideout, it was behind an olive garden. bro, there was this lady working there who always gave me free food.” Benrey sat up taller. “said I deserved a nice meal. she was a champ. the garlic bread was legendary.”

Looking back at the road, Gordon frowned. “You know, it’s probably because you were homeless. She was just doing the right thing.” 

Benrey just shrugged again, so Gordon picked back up. “So, garlic bread, Italian food… and I guess anything else that catches your eye.”

The car pulled into the Target parking lot. Gordon turned the car off and got out. Benrey followed. The two entered the Target, and Gordon made sure to keep a close eye on Benrey as he grabbed a shopping cart. 

He didn’t do a good enough job. He turned around for one second, and Benrey was already out of his sight. Swearing under his breath, Gordon pushed his cart into the aisle and kept his eyes peeled.

\---

When Benrey returned to Gordon, he was wearing a bedazzled green cowboy hat with a clearance tag. Gordon frowned. “You can’t just pick up stuff we don’t need, Benrey. I’m not made of money.”

“It’s a dollar, bro.” 

Benrey frowned when Gordon took the hat off of his head and placed it on a display shelf for graphic tees. “A dollar that could go towards milk, which we’re almost out of. Come on, we’re only here for food.” 

Gordon pushed the cart down the aisle, and Benrey walked next to him. Gordon had to look over every few minutes to make sure Benrey wasn’t straying away again. Benrey just picked at the edge of his sleeve. 

It was weird how much Benrey was fidgeting, actually. He was still as stoic as ever, but the ends of his sleeves and the strings of his hoodie (well, the hoodie was Gordon’s, actually) had caught his attention, and he just wouldn’t leave them alone. In the game, small movements like that didn’t translate nearly as well, so Gordon had no idea if that was normal or not. He just hoped it was.

“Alright, frozen goods aisle,” Gordon announced. He gestured to a large glass door, or more accurately, to the texas toast cheesy garlic bread boxes behind it. “Get whatever ya want, just don’t bankrupt me, alright?”

Benrey chuckled, low and dopey. He tugged on his hoodie strings with one hand as the other tossed the door open with what was probably more force than was necessary. Benrey grabbed two boxed of texas toast, and a package of Swedish meatballs. As Benrey put them in the cart, Gordon was getting some boxes of P.F. Chang’s stuff he could make one night when he felt like it.

“yo feetman,” Benrey mumbled across the aisle. Gordon turned around to see benrey with 7 boxes held haphazardly in his arms. “im gonna go ham on strombolis.”

Gordon glared at him. “Choose three you want, I’m not buying all seven.” Benrey pursed his lips but did as he was told, placing three in the cart, then dropping the remaining four on the floor and turning to a new door.

“Wha- Benrey, _no,_ ” Gordon walked up to the boxes and picked them up. “You don’t just drop things when you’re done with them, okay? You have to put them back!”

Benrey turned to look at Gordon with a box of taquitos in his hands. “huh?”

With the four stromboli boxes stacked carefully in his arms (luckily none of them were busted), Gordon approached Benrey again. “Look, I know you’re new with public manners and stuff, I get it, It’s tough, but for future reference, you can’t just _drop_ shit. Put it back where it-”

“oh but you dropped the hat.”

Gordon paused. “What?”

“you dropped the hat, idiot.” Benrey pointed behind him. “the cowpokes hat, the green. you dropped it. i think youre a… uh. hypogriff.”

Benrey leaned forward and glared at Gordon, who was pinching the bridge of his nose. “There’s a difference between reshop and _dropping the frozen food on the floor, Benrey._ ” Gordon stomped over to where he got the strombolis and put them back very carefully. He was still lecturing Benrey, but Benrey wasn’t saying anything. “If you damaged the boxes, we probably would’ve had to buy them, and you can’t just leave stuff on the ground because the workers have to clean it up and they’re already being treated like shit by their managers because Target is a shitshow, and I don’t want to make things-” Gordon turned to point at Benrey as he held the door of the freezer open, placing the last stromboli inside. 

Benrey was gone.

Gordon frowned and shut the door. “Okay, where’d he go off to now…?”

Grabbing the handles of his cart, he pushed onwards. If he didn’t find Benrey by the time he got to check out, that would be a problem for his future self. Right now, he just wanted to cross eggs off his grocery list.

When Gordon found Benrey again, he was in the soda aisle, staring at a box of Sunkist, and very obviously considering how to get the cans out.

“You want soda?” Gordon asked. Benrey looked up at him. Only now did Gordon realize Benrey was wearing a fucking _fedora_ of all things. “Take that shit off,” he commented, but Benrey ignored it.

“yeah, fizzy good stuff please? soda please? sir im asking nicely.”

Gordon grabbed the 12 pack of Sunkist. “Yeah, I’ll get you soda. Tommy’s due for a visit soon, anyway.” As he placed the box in the cart, however, he realized a horrible mistake.

He hadn’t told any of the science team about Benrey’s arrival.

“Shit,” Gordon whispered. 

Benrey looked up at Gordon. “what’s the matter, bro?” he paused and looked up at the brim of his fedora. “oh.” He reached up and gently tipped it. “m’bro, sorry.”

Gordon glared and took the hat off of Benrey’s head. “Don’t worry about it. We got almost everything we need.” Benrey frowned when Gordon took the fedora, and he tried to grab it back. Gordon held it up high, where Benrey couldn’t reach.

“c’mon, maaan…” Benrey stretched up, straining to reach the hat. “gimme my shit back, bro.” Gordon ignored him and put it on the highest shelf. 

Wheeling his cart down the aisle, Gordon pulled out his phone to check the grocery list. “The last thing we need to pick up is cereal.” He wasn’t even halfway down the aisle when he heard the sound of someone slumping to the floor. He turned around, ready to scold Benrey again, but his face fell.

Benrey was leaning up against the shelf and curling in on himself, hugging his knees close with one arm. The other was pressing the top of his head, his bent arm shielding his face from Gordon’s view. Gordon frowned and walked away from the cart to stand by Benrey’s side.

“Uh… are you okay?”

Gordon stepped back in surprise as Benrey spat out a few discordant notes, accompanied by the soft glow of pure white sweet voice orbs. Gordon hurriedly swatted them away, thankful that nobody else was in the aisle.

Sitting down next to Benrey, Gordon took on a quieter tone, one he’d usually use with Joshua. “Hey, I can’t read sweet voice, man. Can you tell me what’s going on?” He raised a tentative hand, unsure of how Benrey would react to sudden movements.

Benrey lowered his hand, but he tugged the hood of his jacket over his head and pulled down on it, pressing the fabric close to his skull. “it’s, it’s... shit’s fuck in this shop bro… shit’s fuck.”

Of course he wouldn’t say anything coherent. Gordon sighed. How was he supposed to help Benrey if he didn’t know what was wrong? “Uh…” Gordon looked around to find what might have upset Benrey when his eyes landed on the fedora on the top shelf. 

“Do you… want a hat?” Gordon asked. To his surprise, Benrey nodded. “Oh.” Gordon interlaced his fingers. “Okay, but why?”

“shit’s fuck.” Benrey pulled the strings of his hoodie so that his hood tightened to cover his eyes. 

“I got that. How is…” Gordon lowered his voice so other shoppers couldn’t hear their ridiculous conversation. “How is shit fuck?”

“just is mannnnn,” Benrey whined.

“Okay. You don’t like the store?” Gordon guessed. When Benrey nodded, he continued. “Alright. You don’t like it because?”

“bass boosted as fuck in here. bad graphics.”

Gordon paused. “It’s too loud? Or is it too bright?”

“yeah.”

“To which one?”

“Yes.”

Gordon frowned. “Okay. I have an idea.” He stood up and held a hand out as an offer to Benrey. Benrey looked up at Gordon. 

“im not taking your gay lil hand bro,” Benrey said as he pushed himself off of the ground. Gordon frowned but didn’t say anything about the comment. He just walked down the aisle to his shopping cart and waited for Benrey to follow. He did follow, and the two of them walked down the aisle.

The pair stopped at a rack of hats. Sun hats, baseball caps, a bowler hat, apparently…. Gordon turned to Benrey. “Take your pick.” Benrey stared at the display and frowned. He approached the rack, picking up hats and examining them with scrutiny. 

“just want my helmet back. cant have shit in detroit.” Benrey sighed as he dropped an ‘I <3 NY’ hat. Gordon frowned. He started to feel like a real asshole for being mean to Benrey during their shopping trip. He reached his hand forward in an attempt to comfortingly pat Benrey’s shoulder, but the shorter man walked around the display and grabbed a hat.

It was a wool chullo with a basic black and white design. Benrey turned his head as he felt the material, and pulled his hood down. Gordon leaned a little closer to Benrey. “Uh… you like that hat?”

Benrey held the hat by the ear flaps and pulled it over his head. When he turned to Gordon, he grinned nonchalantly and said “sick loot, huh bro?” His pupils, however, gave him away; they were blown wide with joy.

Gordon chuckled. “Yeah, yeah, it’s sick. Now let's get some cereal, and we can go home.”

\--

“yo, you got uh. spotify?”

Gordon closed the trunk after putting the last bag into the back of the car. “Yeah. my phone’s in the seat, it’s unlocked right now. Don’t touch _anything_ except Spotify,” Gordon warned and pointed at Benrey.

Twirling the string and puffball at the end of his Chullo, Benrey picked up the phone and scrolled through Gordon’s playlists. As he continued, his face grew increasingly disgusted. “bro, your music is trash. i got exactly the uh. the music you want, bro.” He sat in the passenger’s seat and waited patiently for Gordon to join him.

Once Gordon sat down, he looked over at Benrey, who was pulling things out of his hoodie pocket. Candy, a can of Mt. Dew voltage, and a $10 bill.

“Benrey.” 

Benrey looked up at Gordon. “hm?”

Gordon pointed at the things in Benrey’s lap. “Where the hell did you get those?”

“stole em.”

“What about the 10 bucks?”

A beat of silence. “found it.”

Gordon shook his head. “Whatever. Go ahead and play your music, man.” Gordon put the key in the ignition and turned it, and the car roared to life. Benrey tapped a button on the phone.

Gordon didn’t actually regret bringing Benrey along. It felt like a learning experience. 

But [_oh,_](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/57z5g8CG7GgmcUdjKG7A6P?si+D4s2gMWQSt-xCZy2ir8gDA) did he regret handing Benrey his phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I made a playlist for this. Sue me. (The link is on "oh," if you couldn't tell. Here it is if you're having trouble with the link for some reason: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/57z5g8CG7GgmcUdjKG7A6P?si+D4s2gMWQSt-xCZy2ir8gDA


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon needs to get some cleaning done and then tell Tomy something important, and it tires him out. Benrey does nothing, and it tires him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops *writes 2.5K words for a most 1.6K words per chapter fic because I cant help myself ahdadfhdsf

It was time to admit it to himself; Gordon’s house was a mess. It was in no way ready for Joshua’s visit. He assessed the damage in the living room, and it was way worse than it usually was. It might have had something to do with the 5 cans of Sunkist orange soda on the table, the dirty laundry on the arm of the couch, and the half-empty chip bag on the floor.

Or maybe, more specifically, it had something to do with the alien using the dirty laundry on the arm of the couch as a pillow, shoveling chips in his mouth. Gordon crossed his arms. “Benrey, we gotta clean the house.”

Benrey looked up at Gordon, lays crumbs still on his cheek. Once he finished chewing, he smacked his lips. “sounds like um. a lot of work.”

“You ever clean before?” Gordon asked, only half sarcastically. Benrey shook his head. “Alright. Well, I’m gonna walk you through it. Get up.” Gordon patted the back of the sofa, and Benrey sat up. 

“oh, okay.” Benrey grabbed his chips and shoved them in his pocket. 

Gordon picked up the dirty laundry and draped it over his arm. He held the laundry out for Benrey to see. “See this? This doesn’t go on the couch.”

“whuh- where’s it go?” Benrey watched Gordon push a laundry basket to the middle of the room with his foot. He lifted the laundry with a dramatic pause, then dropped it in the bin.

Gordon pointed at the laundry basket. “It goes in there, then it gets washed. Here, wait, there’s other stuff.” Gordon picked up a can of Soda and walked quickly to the kitchen. Benrey followed him and watched as Gordon held it up for him to see, then dumped it into the trash can. “There. That’s where drinks go when they’re empty.”

“yeah.”

“Yeah? You know that?”

Benrey picked between his teeth. “yup. no- no littering.”

“Great,” Gordon replied exasperatedly. “So you think you can handle that?”

Gordon looked at Benrey hopefully, waiting for his reply. Time dragged on at a snail’s pace as benrey seemed to think.

Finally, the man replied: “nah.”

Gordon’s face fell. “Wh- What do you mean  _ nah? _ ” When Benrey just shrugged, Gordon pinched the bridge of his nose. “You can’t- Benrey, the house can’t be messy like this. Joshua is coming over soon!”

“why not?”

With a wave of his hand, Gordon dismissed Benrey and sighed. “Whatever, I’ll just... Clean the living room myself.” He turned away from him and walked back into the living room. 

\---

The cleaning had been going well, for the most part. Benrey stayed on the couch, and Gordon managed to clean around him. Benrey didn’t get in the way much, which Gordon was thankful for. Sometimes, he would accidentally bump Benrey’s foot with a broom, and Benrey would spit a few pale purple and white notes at Gordon.

Benrey was being unusually manageable, but then Gordon left the room and returned with a vacuum. Not thinking much of Benrey, he turned it on.

A deafening buzz of noise made Gordon flinch, and he turned his attention toward the couch. A straight line of orange to turquoise was already beginning to dissipate, sinking as low as the floor, but there was no sign of Benrey.

Gordon turned the vacuum off. “Benrey? Where are you?” He called out. He looked around the room, turning a few times to make sure he didn’t miss anything. He leaned awkwardly over the couch to see if Benrey was behind it. He was not. “Where the hell is he…?” He mumbled to himself.

Looking back down at the couch, Gordon jumped. He could see bright yellow eyes from beneath the couch. “bro, unepic,” Benrey said with a slight shake in his voice. “fuckin... hate that noise, bro.”

Gordon shook his head in disbelief. “How did you get under there so fast?!”

“spooked me, dude. not even Halloween yet, show some uh… some manners please.” Gordon crouched down next to the couch, and benrey poked his head out from the darkness. “um. warn a bro next time please?”

With a sigh, Gordon held out his hand. “Sure thing. Now let's get you out from under there. Once I vacuum, we should be done for the day.” Benrey stared at his hand but took it without any witty comments. Gordon helped Benrey out from under the couch, and as soon as the man was standing, Gordon turned his head away and sneezed into his elbow.

“Ah,  _ Ahh-SHOO! _ ” Gordon sniffled. “God, you’re all dusty now.” With some annoyance, he held benrey still with one hand on his shoulder, then with the other hand, he brushed off some dust and stray hairs. Benrey’s eyes widened, and his cheeks puffed up. When Gordon looked up at him, his face seemed a little darker. “You good?”

Benrey nodded, then swallowed… whatever was in his mouth.  _ Sweet voice, probably _ noted a voice at the back of Gordon’s mind when he saw a drop of bright pink on his lips. “yeah. im gonna go to the bathroom to get away from the noise machine.”

Gordon stepped back. “Alright, you do that.” Benrey turned away from him and rushed to the bathroom. Gordon tried not to think about it. He didn’t know Benrey  _ could _ swallow sweet voice.

As Gordon turned the vacuum back on, he allowed himself to stew on it. Well, it made  _ sense _ that he could. Gordon had eaten sweet voice in the game, so why would it be different in real life? He wondered if it was concerning that the sweet voice carried over to real life. It could be poisonous, that was entirely a possibility.

But what good did it do Benrey to not sweet voice? Even if he was trying to hide what he was feeling or whatever, Gordon couldn’t read the stuff anyway. 

Once Gordon was finished vacuuming, he put the vacuum back in the closet and fell on the couch with an exhausted groan. He really wasn’t built to be cleaning a whole room like this in a day anymore; he was almost 30. And the dust was… too much. He didn’t get the chance to clean after the game was over. It was just too much to deal with, and he felt like he couldn’t even get out of bed some days. He hardly managed to eat consistently for a month after it was all over.

Maybe he could ask Tommy what pink sweet voice meant. He was sure to know.

_ Shit. _ He hadn’t told the science team that Benrey was back yet.

Gordon fumbled in his pockets for his phone. He supposed Tommy was a good first person to tell. He didn’t think Dr. Coomer would have any serious vitriol about the situation, but Bubby might not be so keen on seeing Benrey again, and if Dr. Coomer knows something, Bubby  _ will _ find out.  _ So, Tommy it is, then, _ he thought.

**Gordon:** Hey Tommy, can i tell you smth

**Gordon:** Promise not to freak out?

**Tommy:** Oh of course mr freeman! 

**Tommy:** Whats on your mind? :)

**Gordon:** Benrey’s back.

**Tommy:** oh

**Tommy:** I mean i think thats very nice but i imagine you probably have complicated feelings with that?

**Gordon:** Oh actually, i’m

**Gordon:** Yeah i’m not really over it. It’s weird and I definitely still don’t entirely trust him, but things could absolutely be worse. I just thought you should know what’s going on.

**Tommy:** Well this means we need to celebrate! And so soon after darnolds party :O

**Gordon:** Well, hold on now. I dont know if we should do that just yet.

**Tommy:** Why not mr freeman?

**Gordon:** I dont know. Its just, he’s been here, you know?

**Tommy:** That doesnt mean we cant celebrate him mr freeman!

**Gordon:** No yeah, i get that, and you’re right

**Gordon:** I guess i’m just cautious. I don’t know how Bubby would take the news, and I kind of want to wait.

**Gordon:** Plus, he didn’t actually… make himself to be known, i guess? After leaking that is. 

**Tommy:** Oh well yeah mr freeman!! He hurt us real bad

**Tommy:** I’m not the best at guessing what he’s feeling without the sweet voice because hes very unpredictable but i think that if i hurt my friends i would feel guilty about it and avoid them

**Gordon:** Yeah, but were we friends? Were any of us friends with Benrey, excluding you? Because he might be nice right now, but I can’t ignore all the shit that happened in the game.

**Tommy:** No i know that mr freeman and youre right. You shouldnt ignore what happened and i think that youre actually in the right to not be entirely comfortable around benrey. Im just telling you what i think is going on is all! /gen

**Gordon:** Well, thanks Tommy. I really do appreciate it. /gen

**Gordon:** Hey actually, speaking of sweet voice, can you translate some stuff for me?

**Tommy:** I can do my best mr freeman!

**Gordon:** What’s uh… it was like, lavender and white?

**Tommy:** usually thats a lightly aggressive thing… what were you doing at the time?

**Gordon:** It was just whenever i accidentally hit his foot with the broom when I was cleaning.

**Tommy:** Oh! Lavender to chalk means watch where you walk!

**Gordon:** alrighty, thanks

**Gordon:** Orange to turquoise?

**Tommy:** Orange to Turquoise means What was that noise?

**Gordon:** Ah, figured

**Gordon:** what about pink?

**Tommy:** Oh

**Tommy:** Just pink? What kind of pink?

**Gordon:** Uhhhm I dont know? It was just pink. 

**Gordon:** He didn’t actually spit the sweet voice out, but I saw like. A bit of it on his lip

**Tommy:** Well single colors are hard to work with but pink is usually a good color! It tends to mean comfort and trust.

**Tommy:** I cant be more specific than that though it all really depends on the context and shade of the pink and what other colors it goes with!

**Gordon:** Alright, thanks for all this tommy

**Gordon:** Oh, by the way, Joshua is gonna be coming over soon. You up to take him to the park with Sunkist?

**Tommy:** I’m always happy to let Joshua see Sunkist! He’s always very gentle with her and she loves to be around him :) Will Benrey be coming?

**Gordon:** Probably. I couldn’t shake him off of me if I tried.

**Gordon:** I mean. He just really hates being left alone, is all. Or maybe he just really likes to bother me. One of the two.

**Tommy:** Oh mr freeman im sure he doesnt bother you on purpose!

**Tommy:** Hmm

**Tommy:** Well

**Tommy:** Not all the time anyway…

**Gordon:** yeah yeah, I hope not. See ya soon Tommy.

**Tommy:** You too mr freeman!

Gordon set his phone down and rubbed his eyes. He heard the sound of dragging feet and looked to his right. Benrey stood in the hallway, looking at the living room. He frowned. “i dont like it. its too empty.”

“Well,  _ I _ don’t like it when it’s too cluttered, and  _ I _ pay the rent, so I get to decide what the place looks like.” Gordon turned so he was laying down on the couch, and he held a throw pillow between his arm and his head. 

Benrey walked up to the couch and kneeled next to Gordon. “what, lil’ uh… gordos need a nap now from all your hard cleaning or whatever?”

“God, a nap sounds  _ great _ actually,” Gordon mumbled. He yawned and held the pillow tighter as his eyelids began to grow heavy. Benrey blinked nonchalantly at him. 

The conversation seemed to end there as Benrey got up and walked away. Gordon lifted his head to watch him go, but once he was out of sight, he dropped his head again. He hadn’t felt genuinely sleepy with Benrey in the house for a while. As he nearly drifted off, however, he was startled by a sudden current of air from above and a shade covering his face. He didn’t dare open his eyes, and something slowly fell on him.

It was a thin fleece throw; the one he’d given to Benrey the first night he came here. It landed just below his elbow, but a dull-clawed hand came to pick it up and pull it closer to his shoulder. Gordon didn’t move, trying to keep his breathing steady. 

“nice napping, bro.” Benrey’s quiet statement went unacknowledged by Gordon, but he had heard it. He strained his ears, and he could hear Benrey walking away, and a door shutting behind him. Gordon peeked an eye open and looked down at the blanket. He straightened it a little, then closed his eyes once more.

\---

The couch was Benrey’s bed, but he didn’t want to disturb Gordon’s nap. Yeah, it was dumb, and yeah, he didn’t even do that much cleaning (he’d seen Gordon do more physically labor-intensive shit in the game before, so why can't he do it in real life, right?), but seeing Gordon so cozy on the couch made something inside Benrey do a barrel roll. Unfortunately, he knew exactly what it was.

At least this meant it was only fair that Benrey could steal  _ Gordon’s _ bed for a little afternoon nap. 

It was a double-sized bed, and the sheets were white, but the comforter was a rusty orange kind of color. It was nice and very soft. Benrey wormed his way under the covers and sighed deeply. The blankets were quite heavy, and he enjoyed the pressure. He pulled a pillow over and fluffed it, then sat his face down right in the middle.

He paused. The pillow kinda smelled like some woodsy, citrusy smell that Benrey knew as the smell of Gordon. Must be whatever wack old spice shampoo he uses. Was it creepy that Benrey liked the scent? Maybe. Fuck if he knows. It felt like everything he thought about Gordon was creepy.

It felt like Gordon thought everything Benrey thought about him was creepy, anyway. 

No. Fuck that. No bummers. This bed was comfy as hell, this pillow smelled Gordon- er, good as hell, and Benrey was gonna take a hella nap. Being tired was new, he never needed to sleep in the game. There was a mechanic for stamina that required short rests to recharge it, but it slowed him down, so he just shut it off for himself. He couldn’t do that in reality, though, so he was stuck with sleeping to regain his energy.

And the karmic irony is that Benrey actually kind of loved sleeping. It was like sweet voicing your own mind. Comfy was an understatement, he felt downright decadent every time he started to slip into sleep. Like an old friend he was visiting to play Jenga with, or some shit. Or a really warm sweater, or hot drink, or something. 

He thought sleeping was crummy when he was still doing it on cardboard in an alley, but it was way better on a couch. On a bed, though? Fuck, he could get  _ used _ to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bro self projecting my feelings about sleep into fanfiction? it's more likely than you think, and this is not the first time its gonna happen  
> Seriously though its autumn, which means its getting colder and I can now use a ton of blankets. When its mildly warm outside and you sleep with a fleece throw that's fine, and frankly mediocre sometimes, but sleeping with lots of blankets when its cold is *OK HAND EMOJI*. Im the exact same temperature but its better somehow


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey wants a midnight snack, but to be fair, he's never really had to cook before. Don't blame him for trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops writed 2.7k words about pasta because I started this fic off hungry

When Gordon woke up, he felt like total trash. God, he hated sleeping on couches. He took a few moments to look around the room. The windows were pitch black, and he could faintly hear the sound of crickets. If the lights weren’t on, he might’ve panicked.

“Mmh, how late is it…?” He picked his phone up and checked the time. It was nearly 3 in the morning.

Well, he did have some trouble sleeping last night. Makes sense that he would crash like that. But 10 hours of sleep? That was a bit much. No wonder he felt like trash. He rubbed his eyes, then took his glasses from the table and put them on. 

Sitting up, Gordon checked his phone. There was a missed call from Anne, and a few texts. He tapped the notification, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling running through his body.

**Anne:** Hey Gordon! Is everything good for Josh to stay with you starting tomorrow?

**Anne:** found a place for that guy to stay?

Gordon cringed. Right, Joshua… The messages were from about 8:18 pm, so that meant Joshua was going to be here today. He stared at the messages, unsure of how to respond. No, he hadn’t found a place for Benrey to stay. He wasn’t even sure if he could trust Benrey around the kid. But… benrey  _ had _ been surprisingly docile lately, and Gordon felt like he could probably defend Joshua if anything went wrong.

For some reason, he doubted it would. Somewhat.

**Gordon:** Well no, but he promised to be chill so I think everything is gonna be okay.

**Gordon:** I know you said you were busy but if you had time to stay and chat thats fine.

Gordon was in the middle of typing a message when a sound caught his attention. He turned to the source of the noise. It sounded like it was coming from the kitchen.  _ It’s probably Benrey, _ he thought as he went back to typing.

**Gordon:** if not, thats fine too! Just wanna check up with you since i havent in a while. Also wanna hear about this business opportunity of yours, sounds very exciting!

He watched three little bubbles appear as Anne typed back. Waiting for her response felt like he was preparing for a strike of some kind, even though the stakes were so low. Something just wasn’t sitting with him right. Why wasn’t he relaxed right now? What wasn’t right?

**Anne:** Gordon it’s 3 am! Make sure you get some sleep. Also if i leave early i might have a few minutes to chat with you if you'd like :)

**Gordon:** sounds great Anne! Also you're up too.

**Anne:** your notifications woke me up!

**Gordon:** Oh sorry! Go to sleep then. Night

**Anne:** see you tomorrow Gordon

The typing bubbles stopped appearing, so Gordon turned his phone off and pocketed it. He still felt uneasy now that the conversation is over, so what exactly was it that he was nervous about?

He heard the sound of something being poured in the kitchen. Probably still Benrey, Gordon thought as he leaned into the sofa. 

Benrey’s in the kitchen.

_ Benrey’s unsupervised in the kitchen. _

Gordon launched to his feet and swore under his breath as he raced to the kitchen, half expecting there to already be a fire. When he came to the doorway, he saw Benrey at the stove with a box of rotini noodles. He’d poured nearly half the box into a pan. 

Upon Gordon’s entry in the doorway, Benrey looked up. He grinned, baring his sharp teeth. “so whens it supposed to get flaccid, lol.”

“No, no,  _ no! _ ” Gordon ran to Benrey and grabbed the pan, taking it off of the stovetop. He reached to turn the heat off but sighed in relief when he saw that the heat wasn’t on, to begin with. 

Benrey frowned. “bro, my pasta…”

With a thunk, Gordon set the pan down on the stove again and glared at Benrey. “That’s  _ not _ how you make pasta, Benrey.”

Benrey grabbed the pan. “show me?”

The two stared at each other. Benrey’s eyes were half-lidded and sleepy, and he tilted his head to the left  _ just _ a little. Gordon swallowed nervously. He supposed he had nothing better to do at 3 am. He had just slept, anyway.

“Alright, the first thing is that you don’t make pasta in a pan.” He opened a lower cabinet and took out a pot. “And you don’t just cook pasta plain, either. It needs to be boiled.”

Gordon took the pot to the sink and began to fill it up with water. Once the pot was about two-thirds full, he turned the water off.

A crunch caught Gordon’s attention. When he turned around, he saw Benrey holding the box of pasta. He moved his jaws, crunching again.

“Please don’t eat the pasta raw,” Gordon said as he brought the pot to the stove. Benrey took another piece of raw pasta and popped it in his mouth. Gordon frowned and held his hand out. “I mean it. Gimme the pasta box.”

Once he was finished chewing, Benrey swallowed the raw pasta. “is it gonna hurt me?”

“No, but-”

Benrey crunched again. 

Impatient, Gordon took the box from him this time and set it down in the cabinet. Benrey didn’t seem too bothered about losing the raw pasta. “It’s just better cooked,” Gordon explained. “We’ll wait for the water to boil, then we’ll put in the pasta.”

“i dunno if i can wait that long, dude.” Benrey tugged on the pompoms of his chullo. He looked down at the pot of water. “can we make it go faster?”

“No, unless you can use your weird reality-altering powers to-”

“don’t got those.”

Gordon sneered at Benrey. “Okay, I was convinced that you could be injured outside of the game, but that’s ridiculous. I’ve  _ seen _ you bend reality!”

Benrey held up a finger. “not reality bending. hacks. for videos game.” he twirled the ball at the end of his ear flaps nonchalantly. “and its no videos game anymore, dude.”

There was a pause in their conversation that Gordon wasn’t certain how to fill. “Oh.” He looked back at the boiling water. “Do you miss your hacks?” When he didn’t receive an answer, Gordon looked up at Benrey. Benrey was staring at the water, too.

At the feeling of being watched, Benrey looked up. “Huh?”

“Do you miss-”

“yeah,” Benrey replied before Gordon could finish asking again. “sometimes i guess i miss them. cant no clip, so i gotta walk. cant change my model size, so im stuck at… short as hell manlet height. cant godmode so i guess i die for real now.”

The way he said it was so casual, but at the mention of death, Gordon’s stomach dropped. “You… what do you mean you die for real now?”

Benrey shrugged. “cant respawn, so i guess when i die, im dead. no extra lives. the end.” he smacked his lips. “curtains for benny boy.”

They stood in silence again. The air was tense, and Gordon didn’t know how to fix it. That was a little too heavy of a conversation topic for 3 am pasta-making lessons. He tried to find some words to change the subject, but none came to him. Finally, he just looked back at the water, which was beginning to boil. “I… I’m really sorry about that.”

Benrey tsked. “nah, you don’t gotta be.”

“I am. I’m sorry for.. I guess a lot of things.”

“like hitting me with your car?”

Gordon sighed. “Like, more than that, I mean. I know you didn’t… ‘die for real’ in the game, but it was still fucked up of me to try.” He looked at Benrey with tired eyes, and Benrey stared back at him. “I was just so… mad. You never took anything seriously. I guess it just… wasn’t serious, though.”

Benrey squirmed under Gordon’s gaze. “it was serious. i just… fuckin’ hate serious stuff. i was a shit lord, dont apologize for yelling at me for being one.” 

As Benrey spoke, a wave of colors floated past his lips: orange, yellow, green, and blue. When he saw the colors, he grabbed the pan of pasta. “m-makes you look, uh… sad as hell. Weird.” He held the pan up to Gordon, putting space between them. “what do we do with the pasta now?”

Gordon thought about continuing with the topic. He did want to talk about what happened in Black Mesa. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to hear an apology from Benrey. His heart ached with the need to just…  _ process. _

“Yeah, lemme show you,” he said instead, grabbing the pan. He poured the pasta into the water and set the pan down before quickly grabbing a long wooden spoon with some holes in it. “You need to stir the pasta as soon as it goes in, and you gotta keep doing that.”

“why?” Benrey approached Gordon and leaned close to look at the boiling water. 

Gordon grinned. “Actually, it’s because as the pasta cooks, it’s gonna get a little sticky. It’ll try to stick to the pan, and to itself, unless you keep stirring it every once in a while.”

Benrey frowned. “damn, you gotta do that the whole time? high standards for a crunchy lil… delicious snack i could eat.” 

With a laugh, Gordon shook his head. “Nah, you could always wait until it gets to a rolling boil.” When Benrey replied with an odd sound like a slurred ‘wuzzat?’, Gordon looked at him. “It’s when the water is boiling enough to keep the pasta moving constantly.”

Benrey watched the boiling water, enamored by the movement. He slowly reached his hand out, and Gordon moved so Benrey could hold the spoon. When he got it, he stirred very slowly, scraping the spoon against the bottom of the pan.

“easy enough,” he mumbled as he picked up the speed a little. Some water sloshed over the side, luckily on the opposite side of the two. Gordon jumped a little, but Benrey didn’t slow down. 

“Okay, hold on,” Gordon said. He walked around and held Benrey’s arm. “You’re going too fast now. You can’t… you can’t speedrun stirring.”

Maybe Gordon was being a little too attentive, but he didn’t notice it at the time. Instead, he placed his hand over Benrey’s and stirred at just the right pace. Benrey tensed at the beginning, but he allowed Gordon to move his hand at the right speed, stirring the pasta so no water splashed over the edge. 

Once Gordon seemed satisfied, he removed his hand. “Yeah, that’s better.” He looked at Benrey, who was blinking wildly. His cheeks were puffed a little, looking as if he were holding something in. “Dude, you okay?”

Benrey shook his head quickly. “yeah, yeah. sleepy. just woke up”

Gordon paused. “Where were you sleeping? I was on the couch.” Benrey lowered his head and raised his shoulders, looking away from him. Gordon frowned. “Where were you sleeping, Benrey?”

“dont get pissy at me.”

“I’m not gonna be pissy, just tell me.”

Benrey stopped stirring for a moment and picked at his hat. “slept in your bed dude.”

Gordon promised he wasn’t going to get pissy. Benrey slept in his bed the first night, too, though just at the foot of it, so it didn’t even matter. He wasn’t going to get pissy. 

“Why did you sleep in my bed?” Gordon asked, snappier than he meant to be.

With a shrug, Benrey kept stirring the pasta. “i dunno, it looked soft as hell, and you were sleeping in my bed, so-”

“I was sleeping on my  _ sofa- _ ”

“which is also my bed-”

Gordon groaned. “If you were tired, why didn’t you just wake me up and send me to sleep in my bed?” Benrey pressed his lips together and didn’t answer. Gordon waited anyway.

“your bed is soft as hell. better than a couch i think.”

Benrey wasn’t wrong, Gordon realized. The couch  _ was _ shit. Gordon sighed. “Okay, I guess I can forgive that. It  _ is _ a nice bed.”

Benrey looked up at Gordon with a grin. “maybe uh… lemme use it more often?”

Another sigh, deeper than the last. Gordon dismissed benrey with a wave of his arm. “Yeah, maybe. Not  _ every _ night. I can only sleep on the couch so much.”

“you don’t gotta sleep on the couch, man. its a big bed. we can both fit.” Benrey stirred the pasta, unaware of what he just said. Before Gordon could argue, Benrey chimed in again. “hey, how do you know it’s done?”

Gordon held his hand out. “Spoon, please?” Benrey obliged, handing him the spoon. Carefully, he picked up a piece of pasta and flung it at the wall. It stuck to the wallpaper with a gentle  _ plap,  _ then fell _. _ Gordon pointed at it. “If it sticks, it’s ready.”

While Gordon strained the pasta, Benrey took the piece of pasta off the wall and ate it while Gordon wasn’t looking. Unsanitary? Maybe. No big deal. “what, uh. what sauce we usin?”

“Oh,  _ shit. _ ” Gordon set the pan back on the stove. “We didn’t make any sauce.” After a few moments of silence, he shrugged. “Whatever. Buttered noodles, it is.” He went to the fridge to grab some butter.

\---

“simple but expensive.”

“Do you mean  _ exquisite? _ ” Gordon said with a chuckle. He stabbed a few pieces of pasta with his fork and shoved them into his mouth. 

Benrey nibbled at his buttered noodles, fingers pressed together and moved back and forth in a sort of pseudo-fancy gesture. “ah, and a hint of… uh, pepper. spicy.”

Setting his fork into his bowl, Gordon looked at his pasta. “Yeah, it was probably the pepper.” Benrey grinned, then began shoveling his food into his mouth, making a bit of a mess.

A buzz from the table caught Gordon’s attention. He sat his bowl down and picked up his phone. There was a new message from Anne.

**Anne:** Guess you’re not the only one up early...

**Anne: J** oshua is too excited about visiting you to sleep. He wants to say hi.

**Anne:** Is it cool if I hand him the phone?

**Gordon:** You know i never mind! I missed him too :)

**Anne:** Okay, he’ll probably want to call just warning you!”

**Gordon:** fine by me.

**Anne:** hi dady its josh

**Gordon:** Hey kid, how've you been?

Gordon’s phone started ringing. Joshua didn’t even want to wait. Benrey scooted closer when he heard the ringing, but Gordon held his hand up. “It’s josh, don’t be inappropriate.” Benrey leaned back again, which wasn’t a confirmation by any means, but Gordon didn’t feel like getting into semantics. He answered the phone.

“Daddy!” Josh cheered. “I'm gonna come see you today!”

Gordon beamed with delight. It’d been a while since he’d truly felt excited about something, but Joshua’s visits always did the trick. Well, even talking to Joshua on the phone made his day. “Yeah, you are bud! That’s pretty exciting.”

“I wanna visit Mister Tommy again like last time! His dog is so nice!” Gordon could hear how Joshua’s voice changed as he bounced up and down on his heels. 

With a laugh, Gordon leaned back into the couch. “Yeah, I’m sure we can fit that into our schedule. Hey, bud, I gotta let you know something important.”

Joshua paused for a second. “Am I getting a gift?”

“No- well, maybe I’ll get you something nice, but that’s not what I need to tell you. I have a…” Gordon looked over at Benrey. “...A friend staying at my place. He’s new, you haven’t met him. But he’s friends with Tommy and Mr. Coomer.”

The speaker crackled as the phone shifted. “Will he play cowboys with me?”

“what’s cowboys?” Benrey mumbled. 

Gordon glared at him, waving a hand across his neck to motion Benrey to be quiet. “He doesn’t know how to play, but you can teach him.”

“Okay! I’ll see you later daddy!”

Gordon nodded. “See ya, kiddo.” The phone cut to a tone as Joshua hung up. Gordon set his phone down and looked at Benrey. The other man was peering smugly at him. “What?” Gordon said.

“idiot dad moments? goin soft?”

Gordon grabbed his bowl of pasta and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Orange to Yellow, then green to blue - Please, let's talk about something new.
> 
> hhhg time for Dumb cooking tips  
> If you boil some pasta in less water than you'd usually use, it makes the water super starchy. You can save some of the starchy pasta water, strain the pasta, then mix the water with the pasta and some butter. The starch makes the butter more saucy, and you can add a spice of your choice (people usually use pepper for buttered noodles but I like to use garlic and oregano) and it'll be creamy instead of just buttery! If you're feeling extra spicy, you can add a little milk and shredded cheese and cook it over heat and boom, cheesy pasta.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne and Josh finally arrive, and Anne finally understands why Gordon was so hesitant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops doesnt write for two weeks  
> Its the beginning of a new quarter for school and im losing my mind over here. We're choosing our concentrations for AP Art and I'm gonna have to put more effort into my art so. Might not have as much time for writing. On top of that, I thought of another idea for a story dsjfhdajfhdfh i really can't just work on one thing can i?

When he finished his pasta, Gordon didn’t have the energy to take the bowl back to the kitchen. He set it on his nightstand and laid on his bed. He wasn’t tired at all, so he just sat and stared at the ceiling. Benrey had left the lights on- whether Gordon was thankful that the room wasn’t pitch black, or upset that Benrey probably burned a dent in his electricity bill, he was too tired to decide.

Gordon couldn’t decide how he felt about Joshua coming over, either. He didn’t  _ think _ Benrey would do anything- not at this point, and not intentionally. Keyword  _ intentionally. _ Benrey had never even met a kid before, and he was a very inappropriate person. Even a well-informed parent was prone to fucking things up every once in a while.

With a grimace, Gordon realized Joshua might be a bit much for Benrey, too. He never really spoke about it and tried not to show it, but Benrey was- Well. Not great with new situations. It made him impulsive and anxious, like a nervous horse.

_ Speak of the devil, _ Gordon thought as the door creaked open and a pale face half-entered the room. “wuh, uh- whatcha doin’ in here, dad man?”

“Don’t call me that,” Gordon groaned. “And i’m trying to get some peace and quiet.”

Benrey frowned. “yo, you uh. mad at me? pissed off at ol’ friendrey?”

Gordon sat up. “I think that’s my natural state with you.” When Benrey’s eyebrows knit together, Gordon held up a hand. “I- i’m joking, dude.”  _ Mostly, _ he added internally. “You’re just a bit much for me sometimes, and I need time by myself.”

The worry creased in Benrey’s face subsided, replaced by a lazy grin. “i’m- i can go solid snake mode. i can be quiet.” Disregarding Gordon’s statement, he slinked into the room and sat on the foot of Gordon’s bed.

“ _ Benrey, _ ” Gordon said with a warning in his voice. Benrey ignored him and bounced up and down on the bed a little. 

Benrey looked at Gordon and tilted his head forward. “won’t even know i’m here.”

“Benrey-”

“like a ship in the night, i uh. pass without even saying anything.”

Gordon pinched the bridge of his nose. “That’s the wrong metaphor- No, look, I really need you to leave my room.”

Having the audacity to look confused, Benrey was silent for a few moments before voicing his argument. “why?”

“Because you’re going to  _ bother me. _ I’m an introvert, Benrey-”

“cool man, love who you love, haha.”

Gordon frowned. “Why do you need to bother me all the time?”

Benrey shrugged. “hate when its quiet. fuckin’ lame-o.”

The two of them stared at each other, Gordon perfectly still while Benrey kicked his legs over the side of the bed, causing the mattress to shift a little. “Stop that,” Gordon said, “You’re already being too loud.”

That command was followed, but Benrey still didn’t make a move to leave. He leaned back on Gordon’s bed and stared at the ceiling.

Finally, Gordon drew his knees to his chest. “Look, if you  _ promise _ not to be obtrusive and just sit still and not  _ say _ anything, I’ll let you stay.” Benrey turned his head to look at the other man and gave him a thumbs up and a lazy smile. 

And so, the men sat in silence and stared at the ceiling. Sometimes Benrey would let out a gentle _ huff _ of boredom, at one point letting out a string of yellow and orange sweet voice followed by a “sorry, can’t help it”, but he was fine besides that. They stayed there for some time while Gordon checked his phone, waiting on any update from Anne. 

“You think I should get social media?” Gordon mumbled aloud.

The mattress shifted as Benrey sat up. “wuh, time to talk now?” he said, thinly veiled excitement in his voice. “man, finally.”

Gordon turned his head. “Do you think I should get social media? Like, I have a Twitter, but I only really use it for news because the people on there scare me. But, well… what else am I supposed to do while I sit in bed for hours?”

Benrey smacked his lips. “uhh… dissociate, like the rest of us, you fucking nerd.” He spat it without any real vitriol. 

Silence hung between them and Gordon furrowed his brows. “Are you okay, man?” The only answer from Benrey was a shrug and a vague throat-sound, and Gordon wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean.

Both of them were alerted by the sound of knocking. Benrey stood up immediately, but Gordon was quicker, pulling Benrey back and rushing out of the room. After all this time, he had to admit; He did kind of miss Joshua. He always missed Joshua. He loved him, anyway, and part of loving someone is missing them the moment they leave.

Gordon skidded to a stop in front of the door and took a deep breath. His hands shook as he grabbed the handle and threw the door open. 

Anne Looked up at him (she was quite short) and grinned. Her hair was in a low bun, and she held Joshua’s hand, trying to keep him from running right in to the apartment. “Hey!” she cheered. “It’s, uh, not been long. I actually should have a few minutes before I have to head off, but I’d like to meet this roommate of yours.” The word  _ roommate _ was stressed with interest, and something in Gordon’s stomach shook at the thought.

“Oh, you really don’t have to, he’s not a people person.” Gordon rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, Josh can- can come in, though-”  
Before Gordon could finish his sentence, Anne and Josh entered the living room. He had a very hard time being stern with them both. Especially Joshua, who stopped to hug Gordon’s leg. 

Had Gordon already thought  _ Speak of the Devil _ today? Benrey really just seemed to appear at the least opportune moments, as if thinking about him was enough to summon him. Lazily stalking out of the hallway, he saw Anne on the couch and went into high alert mode. “uh, youre not supposed to be here. can i see some id?”

When Anne stood quickly from the couch upon seeing him, Gordon quickly stepped in with an awkward laugh. “Don’t worry, he used to be a security guard. He’s just… weird like that.” Gordon glared at Benrey. “Benrey, this is… my ex-wife -” he gestured to Anne, “And my son, Joshua. You know Joshua?”

Benrey smacked his lips and was silent for a moment as if mulling his response over. “ah, yeah. lil’, uh-”

_ “Yeah,” _ Gordon interrupted. Joshua leaned on the arm of the couch, peeking over it. “Anne, Josh, this is… an old friend, Benrey.”

“Gordon,” Anne whispered. “Can I talk to you outside…?” Gordon looked between her and Joshua. Carefully, he nodded. Anne grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room quickly. 

Once the pair stood in the hallway, Anne crossed her arms. “Okay, Gordon, your friends are weird, but this is new. What…  _ is _ that?”

“He isn’t a  _ that _ ,” Gordon corrected, which was a totally new behavior than when he was in the game. “And he’s… uh, got a condition?”

Anne cocked her head to the side with a disbelieving glare. “What condition gives someone bioluminescent eyes and sharp teeth? What  _ is  _ he?”

Gordon stammered. “Look, I- I don’t know, I don’t know what to tell you. He’s  _ chill _ though. Don’t even worry about it.”

“He looks like an  _ alien- _ ”

“Anne, he might be!” Gordon whispered harshly. “He could be some kind of god for all I know, but all he does is sit around, eat all my food, and play video games. He really isn’t a big deal.”

Anne didn’t reply. She rocked back and forth on her heels slowly, her face frustrated and stern. After a few moments, she looked up at Gordon again. “You  _ sure _ he’s good around Joshua?”

_ No,  _ Gordon thought.  _ He’s killed thousands of innocents and cut my arm off as a prank. _ “Certain,” he said instead. Anne looked displeased.

“I trust your decision,” Anne said hesitantly, “but keep an eye on him just in case.”

Gordon grinned. “Thank you,” he began, but Anne was already opening the door and entering the room again. Gordon followed after and was met with an interesting sight.

Benrey was sat on the couch, a cushion between him and Joshua. He was looking at Joshua with concern. “why, uh. why are you so small?”

With a wide, gap-filled grin, Joshua exclaimed: “I ain’t done growing yet, I’m gonna be taller than daddy someday!” He was leaning forward and bouncing on the couch, but Benrey was leaning  _ wayyy _ back as if Joshua were contagious with some rare disease.

Anne walked up to Joshua and tussled his hair. “Hey, Joshie.” She looked at Benrey wearily but smiled with what looked to be all the politeness she could muster after years of meetings as a woman. “Mr., uh… What’s your last name?”

“only got the one name, miss,” Benrey mumbled. "s' benrey."

With a weak nod, Anne continued. “Benrey. Do you have any experience with kids?” She didn’t take well to the few moments of silence from Benrey after her question. Gordon could see her face drop when Benrey looked up and finally replied.

“theyre like dogs, yeah? uh, feed em… take em for walks. play ball. i know dogs.” He gave a confused thumbs up at Gordon, who quickly stepped between them.

“Anne, I think it’s about time you got going. Not that we don’t enjoy your company, I just don’t want you to be late.” He laughed nervously as Anne stood and lingered in one spot. 

Carefully, Anne leaned in and pressed a finger to Gordon’s chest. Her face wasn’t angry, but it was concerned. “Keep an eye on Joshua when he’s around.”

Gordon nodded. “I’ve been planning to.” When she backed away, he leaned down to Joshua. “Hey bud, mom’s gonna leave for work now.” 

Joshua frowned and pulled at his hair. “I don’t want mom to go yet.”

“She’s gotta, kid. Say bye?”

Gordon waved goodbye at Anne as an example, and Joshua followed. “Bye mommy,” Joshua said, much less excited than he was before. She smiled and kissed the top of his head, exchanged her goodbyes, and left the apartment.

When the door closed, Gordon turned back to Benrey. He was still leaning away from Joshua. He looked up at Gordon, eyes wide with confusion. “they... they are like dogs right?”

Gordon sighed. “Not quite, that’s-” 

“I wanna play cowboys!” Joshua cheered. He crawled over Gordon to get closer to Benrey, who leaned away even further. “Wanna play cowboys with me?”

Gordon held Josh back and laughed. “Hey, hey, Benrey is a bit overwhelmed right now.”

Joshua looked up at his dad, eyes sparkling. “Can I teach Benny cowboys?”

“Uh, how about later?” Gordon offered. Josh pouted leaned against Gordon. He mumbled his complaints, but Gordon just scooped him up and stood. “How about  _ we _ play cowboys, bud?” Joshua pulled on his hands but nodded.

“Cowboys one!”

“Cowboys two!” Joshua cheered in response.

Gordon began walking to the kitchen with Joshua in his arms. “Cowboys three!”

“Cowboys four!”

“Cowboys five!” The voices got quieter as they left the room. 

\---

Benrey watched as Gordon carried Joshua away, eyes wide. 

What was wrong with his kid? He was way too small. Did he have some kind of condition? Was he gonna be okay? Benrey didn’t understand. 

Joshua said he wasn’t done growing yet. Did he know he was small? Was he  _ supposed _ to be that small? Maybe humans just began small. Well, wait, that wasn’t true; Benrey had never seen a small human before. Bubby didn’t start out small, he was always big in the tube. And Sunkist was certainly never small either, and Benrey wasn’t small. He’d never seen Tommy or Coomer as small. 

Benrey couldn’t help the yellow to red sweet voice that escaped him. Was the kid ever gonna be big? How would he do anything? He couldn’t drive. His little feet wouldn’t reach the pedals. How would he defend himself against mean people?

But when Benrey got up to observe them in the kitchen (from a safe distance), and he saw Gordon holding Josh close as they leaned against a counter and counted cowboys, there was a fluttering feeling in his chest.

Nah. Gordon was big. He could protect Joshua. And Benrey would too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet voice translations:  
> Gold to Gourd - I'm so bored  
> Yellow to Red like curry- I am filled with worry


End file.
